


Survivor's Guilt

by infinity_and_beyond



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky's dead, Dum Dum Dugan is a good friend, Mourning, Multi, Steve Rogers Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinity_and_beyond/pseuds/infinity_and_beyond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is gone. Anxiety attacks, paranoia, flashbacks, and sleepless nights torment the man behind the shield. Now it's up to Peggy and the Howlin' Commandos to cover for the Captain as he grieves and becomes increasingly violent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survivor's Guilt

After traveling with the rest of the Howling Commandos for as long as he did, Dum Dum Dugan thought that he'd seen it all. But this– Steve Rogers curled up on his cot and shaking– this was a first. Dugan had witnessed his fair share of nervous breakdowns, but none from anyone like Steve Rogers. Partly because there was no one else like him, but partly because he never let anyone else concern themselves with his personal problems. Not even Bucky, the closest thing to family for Steve Rogers. The commandos were like a band of brothers, but Steve and Bucky were closer than that. Call it what you will, but the two of them were practically inseparable. Dugan figured that that's what was eating at the Captain now that Bucky was gone. He glanced over at the Captain and decided to give him some space.

"I'll be nearby if ya need anything, Cap," he called as he exited the tent. 

Dugan ended up sitting directly outside the tent all night. He waved away any slightly concerned or simply curious officers to spare the Captain the trouble. It was also a partly selfish move because he didn't want them to see how the Captain's condition was affecting him. Dugan didn't consider himself an emotional person, but there was something about hearing Captain America cry that tugged at his heart strings. Throughout the night, Steve would start sniffling and quickly escalate to whimpering and crying softly until his breathing became desperate and he starting gasping sobs before quieting down and sniffling, starting the cycle over. Each time Dugan heard him start again felt like a metal fist to his stomach. He forced himself to grit his teeth and curl his hands into fists until his knuckles turned white. It was all he could do to stop himself from running into the tent and joining the Captain in his mourning. 

\--

"On your feet, Dugan!"

Dum Dum Dugan jolted into consciousness, jumped to his feet, and saluted reflexively. He swayed slightly as the blood rushed from his head and he rubbed his eyes. Squinting, he could make out the figure of Agent Carter in front of him.

"Ma- ma'am," Dugan address her while stifling a yawn.

"At ease. Did you stay up all night with Ste- Captain Rogers?"

Dugan massaged the back of his sore neck. "I tried my best, but I don't know what happened. I guess I fell asleep around 0300."

Agent Carter searched his face for a moment, her expression betraying no emotion. Finally she nodded and Dugan swore that he saw a flicker of a smile from the stony cold British agent.

"You're a good man, Dugan," she spoke in a more emotional and, for lack of a better word, human voice than he expected and caught him off guard.

"J-just doing my duty, ma'am."

She nodded again and step towards the tent door before turning around briefly. "May I?"

Dugan motioned for her to do as pleased, stepping back and giving her space.

"Thank you," she mouthed to him and stepped inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Be prepared, it's going to get darker and worse for Steve from here on out.


End file.
